Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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