I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
