what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
