we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
