I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
