oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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