...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
