boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
