It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
