I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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