Pants 0. Shit 1.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
