He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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