I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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