one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
