You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
