Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
