Don't you send me to vm
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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