What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
