I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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