i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
