Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
