We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
