Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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