I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
