My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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