you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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