Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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