wanna go halves on a baby?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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