I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
