My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
