I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
