So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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