Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
