If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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