I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
