just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
