Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
