i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
