you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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