In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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