I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Still dying that you shit outside
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
