she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
