i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
