please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
