I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
