Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
