Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
