his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
