I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
