So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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