Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
